In a world where far too many videos go viral, a recent one caught my attention for all the right reasons. The video takes place at a wedding. The bride and her father are getting ready to walk down the aisle. Out of nowhere, the father walks over to the bride’s stepfather and asks him to join him in walking his daughter down the aisle. The three of them happily make the trip together.
When asked about the gesture afterwards, the father of the bride said, “For me to thank him for all the years of helping raise our daughter wouldn’t be enough,” he said. “There is no better way to thank somebody than to assist me walking her down the aisle.”
The stepfather was extremely grateful, “He came and grabbed my hand, and said: ‘You worked as hard as I have. You’ll help us walk our daughter down the aisle,’ he said. “I got weak in the knees and lost it. Nothing better in my life. The most impactful moment in my life.”
This story is an ideal example of co-parenting. Parenting after divorce is never easy; even in this case, both the father and stepfather acknowledged that their14 years of co-parenting had its ups and downs. However, when all parties commit to working together for the best interests of the children, the outcomes can be amazing—not just for the children but also for the adults.
Here are some takeaways that I took from this story:
- There is hope. During a stressful divorce, it can be impossible to imagine sharing your most precious parenting moments with an “outsider.” This story shows us that even the bumpiest of paths can have a happy ending. Blended families will always face struggles (as do all families), but it is possible to create a positive community of caring adults for your kids.
- The more people who love our children the better. This father’s gesture reminds us that having other adults love our children is a positive thing for kids and not a threat to us. Some parents fear their child bonding with their stepparent, worrying that their presence will cause them to be replaced. Just like grandparents, aunts and uncles, stepparents have the potential to be another supportive adult for our children.
- Reach out to your child’s stepparent. It would have been easy for the father to walk his daughter down the aisle. Even the stepfather had the expectation that the father was going to take that role. This father went above and beyond to share the moment. The smile on his daughter’s face was priceless. This is not a bride worried that if she talks to her dad during the wedding, her mom will get upset or if she dances with her stepfather, her father will give her the silent treatment. This gesture says, “This is your day and we all love you and want to celebrate your happiness.”
Co-parenting is complicated and takes a lot of communication, trust, patience and goodwill. When it goes well, kids reap the benefits because they don’t have to choose sides. Instead, they can focus on their own development in a healthy way. I don’t know how the rest of the wedding went, but I’m guessing the bride loved enjoying her special day surrounded by family and her two fathers probably had a special day too.