Coping with the First Valentine’s Day after a Divorce
Whether or not you like Valentine’s Day, it’s a hard “holiday” to ignore. We are inundated with ads about romance and material expressions of love, including chocolate and jewelry. If you find yourself dreading the day now that you are divorced, here are some tips:
• Check in with yourself. Be honest with yourself about what this day does or doesn’t mean to you and what would make it enjoyable. What would you like this day to look like? Do you want to be with friends or would you like to be alone? What’s an activity that would help you enjoy, not just survive, the day? Do you need to avoid social media for a few days to minimize your exposure to Valentine’s Day posts?
• Plan something. Based on how you answered the above questions, plan something that would feel special and meet your needs. This is individualized, so ignore the media and listen to yourself. Call your friend and go to the movies. Order your favorite take out and read a good book. There isn’t a right or wrong way to spend the day, it’s about what would feel good to you.
• Focus on your kids. If you have children, you can direct your energy into doing something special with them. Again, there isn’t a right or wrong activity. Maybe you’ll want to make a special Valentine’s Day craft or bake cookies together. Maybe playing a board game or watching a movie sounds fun. Get them involved in the planning process and allow their excitement to energize you.
Don’t be a victim to the marketing of Valentine’s Day. Rather, be proactive and take care of yourself by spending the day in a positive way. Each holiday after a divorce can be a struggle and it can also be an opportunity to evaluate what really matters and to develop new traditions.
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